Commercial Script for: NOW That’s What I Call Sweaterweek: Songs from the Cutting Room Floor
By, Dennis Zeveloff
ANNOUNCER: Hey there Sweatizens and Happy SweaterWeek! After years of primo Sweaterbrations, we’re forced to make an album off the SW B-Sides. Are you ready for hits like “Sweater Sweater”?
[Cut to David Bowie clip: “Sweater Sweater, you’re worn on a chest/ Sweater Sweater, you’re sure not a vest”]
ANNOUNCER: Or! How about Comfortably Snug?
[Floyd (I don’t see color) clip: “Iiiiiiiii have become, comfortably snug”]
ANNOUNCER: And I bet you’ve never heard “Wear Me”
[Aimee Mann clip: “If you could wear me/come on and wear me/if you could wear me/ with your jeans, or your cords/I’d suspect, I’d look good on anything]
ANNOUNCER: And also, there’s more!
[Other titles scroll by:
· The Star Spangled Sweater, sung by America and Americle
· Don’t Sweat Wearing me Tomorrow [to Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow], sung by Big Fatty
· Sweaters in the Night [to Strangers in the Night], sung by The Compliment
· Closet [to Beat It], sung by the Anamaloy
· Angora [to Panama], sung by the Lion
· Nothing Sweater [to Nothing Better], sung by Emo
· No More Tears [to the Duet between Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer of the same name, but Tears here is about fabric and not eye drops], sung by Los Jumeaux Fraternos]
ANNOUNCER: Order now, and we’ll throw in free SW Scrunchies, Squeegees, and Slurpees! We guarantee a Great Success for Everyone Involved.
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