The SentiMENTAL (TM)
By, Hannah Mercuris
Folks - the SentiMENTAL(TM) is a sweater to end all sweaters.
One of a very limited edition, only three such sweaters exist. With a design dreamed of by the visionary sweater designer Daniel Armando Nassar and executed by the only person he would dare to trust with his creation (his mom), the SentiMENTAL is a gorgeous cascading light blue ocean of memories.
Constructed from a giant one-size-fits-all turtleneck sweater adorned with two emotionally significant iron-on appliques, the SentiMENTAL covers both our childhoods and our college years in one extremely itchy swoop.
Only Dan, (Matt) Amsterdam, and I are in possession of these treasures, because Robert and (Matt) Garaufis betrayed our foolproof plan to attend both camp and college together and attended lesser institutions such as Dartmouth (more fun than Columbia) and NYU (infinitely cooler than both). Thus, upon graduation they did not receive these gifts representing our foreverfriendship.* Nevertheless, they participated almost constantly in all things Columbia (and of course all things camp).
Adept sweaterspotters will inevitably notice the two insignia added to this light blue ocean of fabric, both a slightly off-center Columbia "C" as well as the Adirondack Camp emblem (an award in the form of a backpack patch, which was handed out like candy to almost all campers for essentially the most basic form of participation/attendance.**)
What is most impressive about this sweater, however, is how it manages both to be such an incredible thing of beauty while simultaneously being the most uncomfortable sweater known to any gender non-specific person or animal. The fully ribbed body and sleeves are absolutely in no way breathable, rendering the wearer immediately sweaty with no possibility for relief. The turtleneck itself is strangling and extremely long, requiring a full foldover unless you would like only your eyes to show, which...you might. Thankfully, this sweater is also mini-dress length and entirely shapeless, doubling the hips-width of any person wearing it. The sleeves are so long that the wearer's whole hand is easily covered, and each sleeve is detailed with a delicate thin navy stripe. Please see the photo below for a clear depiction of this rare and unique three-of-a-kind masterpiece.
Especially this week, when I am overwhelmed with memories, the SentiMENTAL is perfect. No other sweater could better combine some of my most treasured experiences with a sheer ridiculousness that few people - really only the Sweaterans - can fully appreciate.
It was always a great success for everyone involved.
*It is clear that they have always been extremely jealous of this.
**Most 8 year olds win this award. I never won this award.
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