SweaterWeek - A Father's View
By, Jerry Hoffman
It’s
impossible to be clever when it’s our child we’re talking about – so I won’t
try. But the family so much appreciates the tributes and kind words that keep
showing up each day that we wanted all of you to know that we love hearing what
you are saying about Robert and about your own unique relationships with him
and his world. We know that he would appreciate all the humor and the love
coming from each of you as well as the pain you are all going through.
For he meant so much to all of us.
While
it is true that the terrible feeling of missing him so much and knowing we will
never revel in his company again is hard for all of us to bear the pain is
lessened somehow (at least a little bit) by remembering him and being inspired
by how truly special he was. All of your kind loving words and thoughts help us
to clearly remember what it was like to hug him and laugh with him and be loved
by him. And as much as it tears at us to be reminded of the impact he had
on all of you, the survival of his spirit in you is comforting. The
outpouring of your heartfelt emotions makes it clear that his essence lives on
in all of you great kids (everyone’s a kid compared to me) and that should
inspire us all. Still, while all the words in the world will not bring
our boy back and that is sad ... we should all take what comfort we can
from these touching words and pictures and from our memories (which provide no
small measure of solace) and try to move forward.
So
with that being said, and recognizing that I am simply not fluent enough with
computers to imbed too many images and do gif’s and create dissolving images
and song overdubs I will try to give you some sense of the origins of the
Sweater Week perspective – the early years – remembered as best as I can.
Lest anyone think that Sweater Week is something that appeared full blown one day you all should know that Robert was a unique boy long before the first appearance of SW. The slightly off kilter and certainly unique world view was inchoate for a long time before it made its official Sweater Week appearance. But everyone who grew up with him knows that. Robert's mind set was always impressively dis-oriented in seeing the humor and value in situations.
Robert
loved what he loved and was always true to himself. He loved TV (Survivor,
American Idol etc. etc. and so forth ad infinitum), movies (again etc. etc.
forever), and tennis, the Olympics, Glenmont Elementary School, Bethlehem Middle
and High School, Adirondack Camp, and Dartmouth College. And Christmas.
Robert
loved collecting - all sorts of unusual stuff (a quick glance through his
closet verifies this). T-shirts (he actually has more t-shirts than sweaters),
pennants, cds, books, trophies (he won dozens), rocks, shells, soda bottles,
and, of course, the inimitable sweaters - again I’m just itching the surface (note
the “itchy” sweater reference). Top of mind as I write this though is his
"coin “collection - actually pressed flat pennies from Disneyworld each
with a different character or ride image. Family visits there would end up
being park wide scavenger hunts because he had to have every one of the roughly
50 million commemorative pennies found throughout the park. He wanted no mouse
ears or other souvenirs one classic year– well maybe just a sorcerer’s
apprentice wand and wizard’s pointed hat - just flat coins at 51 cents a pop. C’est
Robert!
And most of all he adored his brother Jesse and his sister Julia and his nephew Brady and his cousins and his uncles and aunts and grandparents and the rest of his family and all his dear beloved friends (who are so numerous and important in his (and our) lives in so many ways that I dare not try to single anyone out. You know who you are).
He
loved his mother and me and ignored our flaws – an eye roll maybe, some comment,
but always deep down a real abiding tangible love for us that we could feel– no
matter what we said or did. …
Those
who knew Robert know he was never condescending to anyone - despite his
brilliance -he always (unlike most of us) always looked not for the weaknesses
of people but for the best in them– laughing at their idiosyncrasies (maybe
even sarcastic at times) but always looking for their core goodness. And… I
could go on and on but all of you who knew him and experienced him in your own
special way know how truly special and generous a boy he was. Multi- talented
both athletically and scholastically and musically but never letting you know
he was smarter than you or a better dancer or a better tennis player.
Plus he tried. He could not throw a baseball and was not much of a
basketball player and he was just okay at soccer - but he always tried. Through
little league and youth basketball and youth soccer... he soldiered on:
Worst
player on the team sometimes but he tried as hard as he could and his
disposition was as positive as when he was the best player on the high school
tennis team. You couldn’t tell from his behavior toward other teammates whether
he was the best or the worst - or if they were the best or the worst. Because
he simply wasn’t judging people by their physical skills – only what was
in their hearts. That’s why all of you out there – regardless of what you do
now or how much money you have – loved our Roberto. Because he didn’t care – I
mean really didn’t care - what you did or how much money you had – only who you
were – and if you were kind and honest and true to yourself - then you had a
friend in Rob. That why all of you who knew and treasured him feel the
way you do – because he found the positive and good and value in all of us –
even if we couldn’t always see it in ourselves. And that’s why we all miss him
so – because as the realization sets in that he is gone for good (and I still
have trouble believing it) we know that it puts the burden on us to treat
people the way he did. We all now see how fleeting our time here can be. We
were all touched by Robert in some direct or indirect way and feel him in us
and that challenges us to live up to his memory – all the time and not only
when it’s easy.
We
miss our Robert more than our hearts can take I think. But that doesn't mean
that your words and thoughts don't lighten the burden. Knowing how truly
spectacular people you all are in your own way – and how you and our son were
bonded means that at least there is a little bit of Rob remaining and that is
way better than nothing. So what this has to do with Sweaters is beyond me (and
I know I veered a little off course here) but we love you all and thank you
all. And please don’t be strangers. Our home is always open – even if you just
want to look at Rob’s penny collection.
And
so let me close by saying that your homage to Sweater Week and Robert was a
great success for everyone involved.
Thank you all again. – The Hoffman Family.
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